Moleskine hacks to avoid getting things done
Mar 6th, 2007 by francis
Save money on new books! Buy a large moleskine, and a very fine-tipped pen. Lurk in bookshops copying word for word the books you want to read, so you can read them later and for free. If you get to page fifty, and decide that it’s rubbish, simply cross out your transcription, move on to a new book and you have wasted no money other than the replacement cost of a little ink.Manage embarrassing public sickness discretely! For this you probably need a large moleskine, as the pocket size on the small one will not be sufficient. Warning! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CLOSE YOUR MOLESKINE AFTER USING IT FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Annoy productive people! Is the person sitting next to you getting things done? Are they annoying you by being terribly conscientious? Do they have the sickly yellow halo of personal self-improvement glowing around their head? Disturb them by twanging your elastic, riffling your pages, and dropping your book from a height. BANG!
If they complain, tell them it’s a new decision making algorithm that draws on the I Ching that you read on a blog somewhere. Watch them go scurrying off to 43Folders to see if it’s there, and then relax in the knowledge that once you’ve driven them to the web they’ll not get back to being really productive for the rest of the day, especially if they end up on Wikipedia looking up bands they used to like when they were a teenager and seeing if any of the members are dead, in Parliament, or in prison.
If you know someone who is annoyingly productive who has a moleskine that they refer to as their ‘bible’ or their ‘brain’, buy a notebook and pen that are identical to the ones that they use. Fill it with randomly chosen words in your best imitation of their handwriting. Then swap it for theirs when they are not looking.
Pretend you are a secret agent! Sit in cafes, watching people and making notes in your little black book. If anyone leaves a newspaper, wander over in a way that manages to be both nonchalant and obvious, pick the paper up as if there is something underneath it, and hurry out.
Have plenty of room on the train, bus or plane! Open your moleskine, hold the pocket at the back open, and speak to your special secret friend who hides inside. Tell him about what makes you really, really angry.
Revolutionise the textile industry! Attempt to increase your productivity by devising a colour-coding scheme for your moleskine that involves highlighting the corner of every page in a different colour, never repeating the same colour twice. Before you reach the end of the book you will be forced to invent a new colour, which may capture the public imagination in the way that mauve did when it was first invented.
Have healthy teeth! Use the moleskine’s ribbon as emergency dental floss. (Warning: this may lead to the staining of pages within the notebook, or life partners to leave you in disgust).
Fight crime under an assumed identity! Cut two holes in the front cover. Then hold it up to your face like a mask, wrap the elastic around the back of your head, and tackle villains, brigands and ne’er-do-wells in the street. Who is that masked man, they will ask, as you get taken away to the hospital for mending.
Carry your lunch with you! The moleskine’s pocket knows no end of uses. Some lunch ingredients are better for this (tortillas, pieces of lettuce, communion wafers, parma ham) than others (tomatoes, melons, soup). Learn to love pancakes.
Fight off sharks! Write down in your moleskine all the tips you ever read about how to fight off a shark by punching it in the nose, whistling up its gills, putting your hand in its mouth and pulling it inside out etc. If ever attacked by a shark, pull out your moleskine, and quickly read up on the appropriate tactics. (WARNING: Not Suitable For Use Under Water)
Pretend you keep The List! If anyone annoys you, glower at them, pull out your moleskine and ask them their name. Even if you already know it. Ask them if that’s spelt with an i. Even if it isn’t. Except when it is. Then scribble in your book, and close it with a satisfying snap of the elastic and a very smug and ever-so slightly unhinged look on your face.
Form a jazz band! Create a one string bass using the elastic for those impromptu jazz moments. Pressing down on the elastic allows a variation of tension and so a selection of notes. I can play the bass from an introduction to A Love Supreme quite comfortably. It may also be possible to accompany this by emulating ‘Trane’s saxophone by blowing against the edge of a page like a reed. The Sloth Ethic disclaims all responsibility for horrific lip/paper-cut incidents sustained in pursuit of this. Drums are easily emulated by holding the moleskine by its edges with one hand, and using the fingers of the other to beat out the rhythm. The piano, we’re thinking about.
Play dominos! A melange of moleskines. Some dabs of white-out. Sorted.
Bored at work? Prop your moleskine up lengthways like a pyramid. Get a small office stapler. Choo choo! Train going through a tunnel. If Thomas the Tank Engine can parlay this into a multi-billion pound empire, then it can keep you amused for the last half an hour on a Friday. Make Fat Controllers out of bluetac. Make a watering station out of a stick-glue and some paper clips. Consider wrapping it all up and giving it to the nephew you don’t really like very much for Christmas. He won’t like it, but then he won’t like whatever you get him.
Get everyone’s attention. Are you in a room with a lot of people in? An office, maybe a cafe? Perhaps a library? Pick up your moleskine, so that only the bottom edge is touching the desk or table in front of you, and then slam it down. You’ll be surprised how loud it is. As will the people around you. As soon as you have done it, glare at someone sitting close to you. If you are in a library, say “Shhhhhhhh”. As everyone else, including the person sitting close to you, will be looking around bewildered, they will all assume that you witnessed the act and will follow their lead.
Apologise for being a bastard. Tear out a page, write “I am sorry I made everybody think that you were the noisy disruptive one” on it, fold it into a paper aeroplane, and fly it at the person you so unfairly blamed. If it misses them, and hits someone else in the back of the neck, glare and point at the intended recipient, then look at the person hit and roll your eyes in sympathy.
Avoid sunstroke when lazing! Make an impromptu sunhat by opening the notebook to the centre and balancing it on your head (NB Large sized moleskines are best for this. We would recommend avoiding the day to a page diary though, as the weight of this may cause damage to the vertebrae of the neck. Squared, ruled, or blank is purely a matter of personal preference).
Shelter tiny little lovely orphan baby birds! For this you probably need a large moleskine, as the pocket size on the small one will not be sufficient. Warning! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CLOSE YOUR MOLESKINE WHEN USING IT FOR THIS PURPOSE.